Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Who died my cat blue again?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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