You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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