I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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