she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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