if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
