Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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