found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
