I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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