i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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