i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
