fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
