people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
