Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
