Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
