Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
