either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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