i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think your dad took our porno
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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