apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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