they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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