i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
