im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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