I love black thongs
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
