Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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