i may or may not be watching the land before time
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
