i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My life is pants optional.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
