I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He better not be in your backpack
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
