Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
