There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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