Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
