Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
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Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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