How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
