He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize