ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
