im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize