week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
