So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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