After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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