Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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