Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
