Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
