she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
