they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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