Pappa wants mamma naked
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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