I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
