If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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