why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you never un-have a 4some
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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