she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just gift wrapped bread.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
