I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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