So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
