If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
