if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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