I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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