So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you would pick up someone in the library
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
