I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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