Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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