i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
