I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Randomize
