we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
