New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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