I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
