my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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