my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
