I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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