I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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